{Discouraged Soul}

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To you, LORD, I call;
you are my Rock,
do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you remain silent,
I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Hear my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help,
as I lift up my hands
toward your Most Holy Place.
Psalm 28:1-2

There is a feeling of anticipation that swells up in me and I wait for news on a pending decision. 

Yes?  No?

Will I be chosen?  Or not?

My mind can hardly concentrate for days, thinking of the excitement that might be around the corner.  This could be it!  Finally, what I’ve been waiting for! 

Every time I hear my email *ding* on my phone, I grab it to scroll anxiously through the messages to see if there is an answer. 

And then the day comes.

I read with excitement, until I realize…the answer is no.

Not me.  Not this time.  Will I ever be chosen? 

Suddenly, instead of feeling my breath quicken with excitement, I feel crushed.  I feel a hole in the pit of my stomach.   I feel like there is a knot there, like I’ve been punched.  Perhaps irrationally so, but I feel dejected. 

I’m not devastated, but it’s definitely more than simple disappointment. I’m discouraged. 

Not many options available right now.  No lights at the end of the tunnel.  It’s tough.  I know my faith is being tested, but this testing has been going on for a long time.  

Years.   

I know God has a plan.  I know He sees me here.  He sees my tears; He knows my pain and frustration.  But it doesn’t change the fact that the situation remains the same…yet I must remain strong.  Faithful.  Committed. 

So here I am, clinging strongly to words like Faith. 

Sovereignty.  Grace.  Sufficiency. 

Praying I can be a faithful servant in the midst of trial.

Trusting that my Lord will see me through to the other side, all in His perfect timing.  Even though my eyes are blinded to His plan… 

My flesh is discouraged, but His truth and promises are etched on my heart. 

I keep believing that some day I will have a different story to tell, and a new journey will have begun.  But until then, I keep on trudging, sometimes slowly, but ever moving forward.  The climb is steep at times, but I know who is helping me, and He will never let go of my hand.

I will wait patiently for the Lord.  He will hear by cry, and lift me up from the miry clay.  He will set my feet on a solid rock.  He will put a new song in my mouth, which will be a hymn of praise to my God.

PS: You can check out Flower Mama's fun giveaway right HERE

{Hope in the Midst}

The alarm went off at 5:00 AM. Snooze was hit a few times before my husband gently tugged the covers and pushed me off my pillow.

"Come on honey, boots on the ground!" he said.  (I had known I would need his help getting up.  I am sooo not a morning person.)

For reasons that will remain yet unwritten, I got up, and stumbled down the hall to start getting ready.

There was a meeting to attend before I headed to the office.

Was it worth getting up so early for?

I hoped that it would be, but still wasn't sure.

It was pitch black when I pulled out of the driveway.

The neighbor's dogs weren't even out yet to bark at me, as they usually are every other morning.

I stop for coffee on the way, hoping that some smooth brewed java will help to jolt my brain awake.

A little further, and I pull into the parking lot.   I see a familiar car, so I know I've found the right entrance.

Into the office I go, and further still, I step into a conference room.

Men were filing in, some in dress shirts and ties, other in jeans or sweater vests.

A blend of men, but all with a couple of very distinct in similarities.

High-level executives. Christian. Trying to make their businesses better.

Men with strong desires for Integrity. Honesty. Commitment. Perseverance.

I sat in the middle of a one hour round-table discussion and was shocked.  My preconceived notions were shattered.... in a good way.

These were business leaders, trying to gain encouragement from other people in similar situations. They love God, and want to spend an hour every week away from the corporate rat-race in a place where they can lay their cards-on-the-table and be truthful, honest, and real about the difficulties they face in business, and as Christians in a stressful environment.   

It was their haven.

For an hour I was able to join them in conversation. Business issue resolution, employee conflict, encouraging positive attitudes, giving the business hope and an optimistic outlook when the "world" thinks everything is bleak. These men were passionate, hopeful, driven, and in love with God.

The most profound point I walked away with?

 

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The world looks at people as either optimists or pessimists -- they are categorized as being either "glass half full" or "glass half empty" kind of people. But as one man pointed out, that is still "the world's thinking." As Christians, we should be showing the world that your glass can be 100% full.

We need to focus on looking Up, more than looking around. When the economy is tanking and businesses are struggling, our glass is still completely full, because we know who fills it. We have Christ.  We have abundant hope.

Sometimes this is hard for me to remember.

I work in the business world, and there are days when it is brutal beyond words.  But this gave me hope. Hope for my city. Hope for the hearts of people in business leadership. This was a reminder that God is bigger than the problems I see around me. Bigger than the struggling companies and declining job market.

I left renewed.

I went to work and felt like at least for this moment....for today.... my glass was 100% full.

What about your glass? Where is your fill line?

(So was it worth getting up so early? I might be on my third mug of coffee, but it was completely worth it.)

Linking up with:

{Home Lover}

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Do you love your home?

Is it your haven; your happy place?

Is it a place you can run to, shut the door, and know you're safe? 

Is it filled with love, harmony, and peace?

This is what I want for our home, and pray often that God will continue to make these things true within our four walls.  I feel so blessed that it is a haven, because I know there are many people who don't have that luxury within their walls. 

Part of having that haven at home is the time & effort we put into it, and the praying done on it's behalf.  These are the things that I pray for in our home:

• That God's peace will reign in our home, and in our hearts. 
• That we can create a joyful atmosphere, and remember to praise God no matter our circumstances.
• That we love each other despite our faults, as Christ has loved us. 
• That we surround ourselves with beautiful things as a reminder to appreciate the beauty that our Creator God has surrounded us with.

I only have three years under my belt as a homemaker, but I am so thankful for the example that was set for me all the years growing up by my mother.  She made our home a haven, and that is my desire now.  

I never really liked the word "homemaker," so I had to laugh when I read this quote below, by Elizabeth George.

I don't know about you, but I had an aversion to the word "homemakers" -- until I discovered what God had in mind.

Before that, it sounded like dull labor and mundane chores.

But...I learned that...I am simply to be a "home lover."

Any woman who carries in her mind and heart the thoughts "home, sweet home!" qualifies as a home lover.

Can any of you relate to that?  Now home lover, I can handle! 

How I enjoy learning to be a home lover!  As the months slip by, there are always more things I am learning to do, and always edges to be refined.  But there is great joy in this process, and I feel blessed that God has called me to be wife and a keeper at home. 

If home is supposed to be a wonderful place, there has to be character built within its walls.  

Truth. Purity. Loveliness.   

Sounds familiar?

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  (Philippians 4:8)

{Shushing the Creator}

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"Focus on the journey, not the destination.
Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.”

- Greg Anderson

 My husband reminded me of this a few days ago, as I was wishing away time until my project would be completed.  A project I have been excited about, prepping for, and spending hours on.

Don't wish it away, honey; it's about the journey.

What else in life do I do that with?

Maybe not so much wishing time away, as much as thinking everything will fall into place once a goal is complete.

Once our saving account is big enough...

Once I lose that extra ten pounds...

Once we live in a bigger house...

Once we...

Am I wishing time away?

Not intentionally, but I fear that is the end result.

In the midst of that, am I ignoring promptings from God in my life?  

I'll have more people over after we get a bigger house.

We'll help this person out financially once our savings account is built up more.

Are we shushing the God who created us?  Are we tuning out that still small voice because we don't have everything all neat & tidy in our lives yet? 

Are we wishing away this season of our lives because we think the next one will be better?  Or bigger.  Or just plain different. 

Are we missing out on some things that God might have in store for us because we're too busy feeling inadequate about where we are in life right now? 

I read this blog post and was blessed by her honesty on this matter:  http://www.allthingsheartandhome.com/2011/10/05/always-waiting/

It made me think about listening now, obeying now, reaching out now.

Enjoying this season, now.

Remembering to enjoy the journey.

{Fall Commeth Quickly}

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As I mourn the passing of summer, a part of me welcomes the coming of fall.  There is a calm that seems to settle around me as the air turns cooler and the leaves start to change their color. 

I am content to stay home after work, wrapped in blankets and crafting or reading after the dishes are done and leftovers are put away.   Sunshine and warmth beckons me outside to wander, yet the chilly air leads me home.

The seasons of Michigan are beautiful, although I do wish that winter here didn’t last six out of twelve months.  But fall in Michigan brings a bit of something magical along with it.  In my mind, it’s almost as if Tinkerbell comes from the depths of her Neverland to sprinkle pixie dust on all us busy people, steeped in our oblivion. It helps me open my eyes and see the beauty in my surroundings. 

Fall is enchanting.  The crunching of leaves under my feet, people lined up for Pumpkin Spice lattes at Starbucks, and the parade of scarves, boots, and hats that I see everywhere.   I watch through the window and see people smile as the crazy wind whips their hair all around until they can hardly see through the tangled mess.  I see them laughing as they try to juggle umbrellas and bags, until they give up and just make a run for it. 

People are talking about gift-giving, cozy decorations, and passing around yummy candles to smell.  Soups are simmering on the stove and bread is baking in the oven.  You come home and everything smells so good, so inviting. 

Football games, bonfires with roasted marshmallows, crafty projects, jazzy music, knitting scarves, drinking hot cider, sleeping with open windows and listening to the sounds of wind and rain whirling around outside.  There are visits to apple orchards, hay rides and homemade cider with donuts.  Neighborhood homes have wreaths on doors and are scattered with pumpkins & gourds on doorsteps.  The scene makes my heart happy.  

I take a deep breath and sigh a happy little sigh. 

Fall is here, and I never get tired of anticipating its arrival.  I know soon I will be longing for spring, the green grass and birds singing in the trees, but I am glad that to everything there is a season, and for today, this season is mine.  I will stand breathless as I watch it bursting forth with incomparable beauty and explosions of color, hand painted by the God of the universe, here for us to enjoy. 

{Lazy Sunday Afternoon...}

The curtains next to me are dancing as a delicious breeze blows through the open window.  

Coffee has finished brewing and I now have a steamy mug of hazelnut warmth next to me.  

My husband is a dozen feet away from me at the kitchen table studying and doing homework.

Our bunny is taking an afternoon nap in the corner, his ears twitching once in a while to make sure we’re still around.

There is a load of laundry on the line, one in the wash, and one in the dryer.  Our down comforter is also on the line, being aired out in the cool breeze, on what might be the last lovely weekend of the season.  

 

Of course there is always more that could be done, but right now it is time for a break.  It is time to enjoy the tranquility of this lazy afternoon.  The dishes in the sink can wait awhile longer, and the carpet doesn’t have to be vacuumed right this minute.  

I want to enjoy the calm that comes when I’m not rushing out the door for work or juggling meal planning and grocery shopping.  I will just be still for a minute.  Still so I can think, ponder, and listen.  I feel myself take a deep breath and sigh as I lean back on the couch cushions, sink into their softness and fight the urge to simply curl up and take a tap.  I hear birds chirping outside and turn my face towards the window so I can feel the gentle breeze blowing across it.  

I glance into the kitchen and catch my beloved’s eye.  He smiles at me, eyes twinkling, as he takes a sip of coffee.  He mouths the words I love you before returning to his textbooks.  

I am thankful for the peace in these moments and for the time to simply be still. 

Listening.

I love being married.

Seriously.

It’s the best thing ever.
(But I've probably mentioned that before....)

I love the give-and-take that comes with being a spouse. That constant support-system that is always around makes my heart sigh and smile in happiness.

We have great days...and not so great days. 
But I love that we can share both with each other.

The last couple weeks have been filled with some of those not so great days for both of us.  They haven’t been bad days, just exhausting and stressful ones.  Work stuff mostly. 

It has left us both needing to be in the take-mode because we haven’t had a lot leftover in the give department. 

But ironically enough, our current challenges at work have left us both with a deeper understanding of what the other person is going through because we’re both left feeling the same way.  We get it.

I have been blow away because this mutual-taking has turned into mutual-giving, and it has blessed my socks off!!!  

Instead of leaving us cranky and short-tempered with each other because we’re stressed-out and overwhelmed, we have a deeper understanding and empathy for one another because we can completely relate.  It has been such a beautiful thing.

Last night as I was driving home from work and all I wanted to do was go out to dinner and talk. 

Talk about everything going on because my brain was overloaded and I couldn’t keep it all contained in my head anymore. 

I hardly ever ask to go out to eat, especially not during the week.  Not when I feel it’s only because I’m too lazy tired to cook.  But I was exhausted and I was prepared to go without eating because I really didn’t feel like making dinner…but I knew my dear husband would be hungry so I wracked my brain as to what I could make that wouldn’t be too time-consuming and stressful.

I walked in the door, and was greeted by my dearly-beloved and a sweet “How are you doing, love?”

He hugged me, and before I even had a chance to say much at all, he asked me if I wanted to go get some dinner so I didn’t have to cook. 

{And some people say they don’t believe in mind-reading. 
Well let me tell you, he reads mine pretty well...and he knows his woman!}

We sat in a back booth and talked… and talked… and talked some more.  And he understood.  And it was wonderful.   When I was done babbling and finally stopped to take a breath and munch on my salad, he looked at me and smiled.  “I get it.  I know what you’re going through.”  Those words mean so much to me. 

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Later we sat on the couch together, he watched the hockey game and I read… and we could just be. Content in our understanding and support of each other.  Content in where we’re at in life, and content because God has so richly blessed us with the other half of our puzzle pieces: each other.

Fairytale Dreams




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Sometimes I think about how amazing it would have been to live in a medieval castle.

We have fantasized about fairy tales since we were little.

Balconies. Moats. Drawbridges. Towers.

Will you climb the tower to save me?

 Knights & Fair Maidens. Princes & Princesses.

The daring rescue of the damsel in distress! 

These tales have undoubtedly created an unrealistic picture in my head of what it was really like way back when.  Back before modern conveniences and equal opportunity.

Blood.  Poverty.  War.  Contamination.  Slave labor.

But there is no denying, those castles look mighty stunning.



 

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The castles themselves might be out of reach, but the men that guarded them...

Those heroes...

They're still around.

I live with one.

I get to spend every day with my hero. 

My prince. My knight in shining armor.

He protects his family. 

Loves me with all his heart.

Works hard to provide.

Slays my dragons.

He tries to make all my dreams come true.

So maybe I don't have any moats or drawbridges, but that doesn't mean I don't have the fairy tale.

Every day I get to be a princess, and I wouldn't trade my prince for all the castles in the world.



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"There is sunshine in my soul today..."

The last few days I have been feeling a little blue. Haven’t quite been able to put my finger on why, but just not my usual self.  I love how God knows my heart and despite myself He reaches into my life bringing little moments that help cheer me up.

• An unexpected hour at home before my husband leaves for class.
• A long walk with new shoes that don’t hurt my feet.
• Making a friend when you weren’t trying to.
• Somebody making you laugh when you really feel like crying. 
• Leftovers from Mom so I don’t have a cook. 
• Planning a date night to look forward to.
• Most importantly the reminder that: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

 These little things have been droplets of sunshine to my soul lately.

What has been your Sunshine this week?

PS - Lisa Leonard is having another adorable giveaway today right HERE!

Brightly Colored.....Everything!

I was browsing in Pier 1 Imports this week (something I haven't done in years), and came across so much adorable dishware!  It's probably a good thing I don't go in there frequently, or else my kitchen cupboards would be brimming with brightly colored mugs, tea pots, soup bowl, platters.... you get the picture. 

I've always thought some day I'd have shelves full of Fiestaware and bold happy place settings to use when company came... so obviously these dishes were just my style!

Seriously, aren't these adorable?

Who wouldn't want to use these for a mug of soup, a foamy latte, or a humongous cup of hot chocolate?

You know you would.

Wouldn't you just love choosing a mug to use for your morning coffee if your shelves looked like this color palette? 

And then there was the platter section!  I'm sure cookies would taste even better if they were served on this pretty little thing!

I browsed and smiled, and left the store empty-handed.

Some day I might have a table laid out with brightly colored pieces of matching dishware; the kind of place-settings people want to take a picture of because it's just so cute... but if I don't, that's okay too. 

Things are just things... it's the person you're sharing that latte with that really matters.  A giant mug brimming with warm goodness and whip cream touching our noses when we drink might make for a great picture and a good laugh... but I've had some of my best conversations holding nothing more in my hand than a styrofoam cup filled with water.  It's not about the things.

So if you want to come to my house for a chat over coffee, I'll pull out some mugs and a platter of cookies, but I can't promise you they'll be matching!

Calming the Storm

Some days I am overwhelmed with thankfulness.

Not necessarily for any particular reason but simply…because.

Today is one of those days.

The odd thing is, my life has had a few potholes in it this week, but somehow today that doesn’t seem to matter. Last night I was stressing out about them, but here in this moment I’m at peace.

The past several days I have read many stories (blogs) about couples who’s marriages have survived against the odds and about families who have faced immense personal tragedy, yet in the midst of it all they have stayed faithful.  Faithful to the ONE who can work it all out and who gives us the strength to make it through the worst of storms.  Ahhh yes, the One who spoke to the storm and calmed the rough waters. 

Through my teen years, there were some lyrics to one of my favorite Christian songs that said: “Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child.”

Isn’t that just how it is?  In the midst of our life’s chaos, He can reach into our lives and place a peace in our hearts that is unlike anything else.  When the war rages on, it is an incredible feeling to be completely secure and at peace in the knowledge of His presence in our lives. 

To borrow a quote from Jo March in “Little Women”, I am hopelessly flawed.  And I always will be this side of Heaven.   But how I thank God that the process of sanctification continues on, day by day, inching me closer to the day when my heart is made new and the old things have passed away. 

I am a work in progress and how I thank God He hasn’t (and never will!) give up on me. Today, I think that is the biggest thing I’m thankful for.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. . .

Everything I Need

Growing up, I remember when we would all huddle in the basement whenever there was a bad storm or a tornado warning. Mom would wake me up in the middle of the night, wrap me in a blanket and carry me downstairs so we were all safe together and away from the windows. The most important thing to me was grabbing my favorite stuffed animal on the way, just in case the house collapsed and I lost everything else.

As I got older, I often thought about what things would be important to me if I could have nothing else. What would I grab if there was a fire, a tornado, or some other disaster? My laptop with hundreds of pictures on it, scrapbooks, a family heirloom? What would it be?

This weekend I was awaked at midnight to the tornado siren blaring. The siren sits a mere 100 yards from our house, but it still took me a few seconds to realize what the noise was after Mike shook me awake. He flipped on the news and we saw the severe weather pattern with funnel clouds lining the screen in all the counties around us. We grabbed a blanket, the cell phones on the nightstand and went downstairs.

So what was most important for me to have?

My husband.

We called our families to make sure they were safe, and that was it. That was all that really mattered. I didn’t sit downstairs wishing I could carry down a box of possessions in case the storm took out our house. I had everything I needed in the basement with me. I looked down to make sure my wedding ring was on my finger (which of course it was), and knew that was the only thing I would have darted back upstairs to get.

The storms blew past and there was no damage done. We went upstairs and as I crawled back into bed, and I silently thanked God for the precious gift He had given me in my husband.
He knew exactly what I needed.

Bloom

I will never pretend to be a fluent or prolific writer. I have friends who make words flow together as gracefully as a water fall, but as much as I have yearned in times past to be a weaver of words and teller of tales, I have accepted that God has given me a limitation in that regard. I must be content and ‘bloom where I am planted’, being okay with the fact my words will never be read by more than a dozen people, at best. And in all honesty, I’m fine with that.

My life is a small one, but I absolutely love where God has called me to be. I spent much of my younger years wishing for the days that were yet to come, dreaming away the present and hoping the future would be bigger and more exciting than the here-and-now. But the ‘present’ is now, and the ‘someday’ that seemed so far away is now my daily existence. And it’s wonderful. Each day is filled with something different; some with joys, some with hardships, but each brimming with the marvelous grace of God, and a peace and joy in my heart that is deeper and dearer than anything imaginable. My past is forgiven, my present makes sense, and my future is secure.

I feel like I am truly blooming where I’m planted. I am no longer looking for something bigger and better, wishing ‘tomorrow’ would come a little sooner. I am content. Yes, there are questions I wish I had answers for, and there are always ‘uncertainties’ that arise in life, but these do not rule my world. God does, and His promises are my hope.

My little corner of Michigan might not be anything spectacular, but it’s where I’m blooming because this is where God has me at present. And I couldn’t be happier.