We pray, we make plans, we figure out the long term goals and we come to mutual conclusions.
The one variable: I am female and my husband is not.
This is not a bad thing because God had it planned that way.
Male + Female = God’s design for family.
It also means that although we are in total agreement on decisions, sometimes emotions can get stirred up and the resolve with which you once viewed a situation can become a bit skewed for awhile.
A perfect example of this? Children.
We are of like mind on the timetable for children. We have talked through our decision, sought God on our decision, and are in total agreement on the matter.
However, in the midst of this decision, there are moments when my desire for children wells up inside of me and I find myself placing my hand where a baby-bump should be. It’s not conscious and it often catches me off-guard when it happens. There are quiet moments when a tear will escape my eye as I think of the baby that will (Lord willing!) be in my arms someday.
I find my feet wandering down the baby aisle at Target or taking a detour through the adorable baby clothes department. Oops, how did I get there? Wouldn’t a little girl’s room be so cute in pink polka dots and butterflies, or a boy’s nursery decorated with airplanes and trucks? Get me out of those aisles.
A couple times when we had "scares" I had to take a PG test. When it came back negative my husband would give a sigh of relief and I always ended up shedding a few tears. My dear husband, although he tried, never really understood the tears… He would always asks me quizzically why I’m crying, not understanding this because he knows that we are united on the decision to wait.
I guess there is a part of me that will always be disappointed until the day it comes back "positive." At first the tears shocked me. Why was I crying?
It took me awhile to figure it all out, but in the end the conclusion I came to was that God planned it that way. He designed women to be caregivers, nurturers, and gave us an incredible capacity to love. He created Eve to be “the mother of all living things.” From the beginning of time women cared for what was around them and were made to “mother” things. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me of why there is this deep desire to hold our own little one.
There are mornings I wake up startled by my empty arms because our someday–babies had invaded my dreams all night. But I know God’s plan is perfect, and when it’s time, we’ll know that it’s time. I need not worry about the future and the empty arms, for they will be filled when (if) God wants them to be filled.
God created me as a woman, and as such, there are many emotions that surge through me, thoughts that fly fleeting through my brain that may not make much sense. But that’s okay, because it’s who God made me…and I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Sometimes it’s just a struggle for me to remember that in the midst of things about myself that I don’t always understand.
A few years ago my mom sent me a poem {posted below} that I kept posted on the wall of my closet. Every time I would get discouraged by my emotions or feel a rush of mothering desires, I would read this poem and be reminded that God made me special and that the things that may be seen by the world as weaknesses are truly strengths. God made us this way to compliment our husbands and to add the nurturing aspect to relationships.
Being a woman is a gift, a beautiful gift, and one I wouldn’t trade for the world. My life does not become complete when I have a child; it is complete the way it is now, because that is how God has it. I choose to be content in His greater plan.
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When God created woman, He was working late on the 6th day.
An angel came by and said: “Why spend so much time on that one?”
And the Lord answered “Have you seen all the specifications I have to meet to shape her? She must be washable, but not made of plastic, have more than 200 moving parts which all must be replaceable and she must function on all kinds of food, she must be able to embrace several kids at the same time, give a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart and she must do all this with only two hands”.
The angel was impressed. “Just two hands….impossible!” And this is the standard model?
“Too much work for one day….wait until tomorrow and then complete her”.
“I will not”, said the Lord. “I am so close to complete this creation, which will be very dear to my heart”.
“She cures herself when sick and she can work 18 hours a day”
The angel came nearer and touched the woman.
“But you have made her so soft, Lord”
“She is soft”, said the Lord “But I have also made her strong. You can’t imagine what she can endure and overcome.”
“Can she think?” the angel asked.
The Lord answered: “Not only can she think, she can reason and negotiate.”
The angel touched the woman’s cheek. “Lord, it seems this creation is leaking! You have put too many burdens on her.”
“She is not leaking….it’s a tear.”
“What’s it for?” asked the angel.
And the Lord said: “Tears are her way of expressing grief, her doubts, her love, her loneliness, her suffering and her pride.”
This made a big impression on the angel; “Lord, you are genius. You thought of everything. The woman is indeed marvelous!”
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Indeed she is! Woman has strength that amazes man. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens. She holds happiness, love and opinions. She smiles when feeling like screaming. She sings when she feels like crying, cries when she is happy and laughs when she is afraid.
She fights for what she believes in and stands up against injustice. She doesn’t take “no” for an answer, when she can see a better solution. She gives of herself so her family can thrive. She takes her friend to the doctor if she is afraid. Her love is unconditional.
She cries when her kids are victorious. She is happy when her friends do well. She is glad when she hears of a birth or a wedding.
Her heart is broken when a next of kin or friend dies. But she finds the strength to get on with life.
She knows that a kiss and a hug can heal a broken heart.
There is only one thing wrong with her – She forgets what she is worth…
