About two years ago I started reading the blog Bring the Rain, written by Angie Smith. It was her place to tell the story of her yet unborn daughter and the perils that surrounded her pregnancy. Having been given the diagnosis that their baby’s medical conditions made her “not compatible with life”, the blog was her telling of their story, their journey, and the road she walked during that dark time in their lives.
During the weeks and months of reading this blog, Angie’s story spoke to my heart and I often found myself pondering words she had written or saying a prayer for them and their unborn daughter. Angie writes in such a way that you’re right there in her living room, sharing the moment with her. I find it nearly impossible to read her story and be ‘detached’ from it. It was very real, very emotional, and very vivid in my mind.
Several months after the passing of their baby, it was announced that Angie was writing a book that would be released earlier last year. I pre-ordered it from Amazon as soon as it was available and was very much looking forward to reading it. “I Will Carry You” arrived, and due to general business and an already-growing stack of books to read, it simply got added to the pile. Until now. I started reading after I got home from work one night and when my husband got home from class a couple hours later, I was already half finished. He walked into the house and found me on the couch with tears pouring down my face as I read. A look of concern was on his face, but once he saw what I was reading, he wasn’t really surprised.
The book had me enthralled, overwhelmed, and emotionally exhausted. There was immense sadness as I read the story of this precious little baby they lost, and trying to understand in my own heart how that must have felt, never having been a parent myself. But so much more than that, I was overwhelmed by the testimony they shared, and the faith they had in the God who walks beside us through the ‘valley of the shadow’.
They experienced what it was like to be held in the hands of Almighty God.
This book is not about the death of their daughter. It’s about resting in the arms of God and clinging to His truths and promises. It’s about running to Him with our wants and our hurts, trusting Him to be there no matter how hard the road ahead of us gets. This is about living a life of Faith, even when it hurts you to the deepest core of your existence.
This book offered a wonderful reminder to me that this earth is not my home. It’s a temporary residence and I’m just passing through. This isn’t the end of the story, and death isn’t the end of my life. I know where I’m spending eternity, and it will be kneeling at the feet of my Savior.
If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy,
the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."
-- C.S. Lewis
This book tells the story of a family who faced immense tragedy and chose to turn to the only true source of hope we have in this world – God himself. As hard as it must have been for the Smith family to live through all this, I praise God that they stood strong in the midst of it and were willing to be ‘broken and spilled out’ for Him, sharing their story and being a living testimony to the amazing and sustaining grace of God.
I encourage anybody who hasn’t read the book to read it. But I warn you: read it with a box of Kleenex nearby. (And you might want to warn your husband ahead of time…)
The following song by Natalie Grant is one that I am always reminded of whenever I hear Angie’s story. Sometimes it is in the deepest pain and the darkest night that we find out what it feels like to be held…
Let your hearts be touched,
